Insert Joke About Mayans Here

The results! Loads of you voted in my awards last week, and a big thank you to all who did. Those who didn’t, you’re are an insult to democracy. HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY LIVING IN NORTH KOREA.

Anyway, there are a few surprises along the way, and despite several close calls, not one person, singer or TV show retained their title from last year.

Best Single (Last year’s winner: Adele – Someone Like You)

  1. Loreen – Euphoria
  2. Adele – Skyfall
  3. Carly Rae Jepsen – Call Me Maybe
  4. Girls Aloud – Something New
  5. Nicki Minaj – Starships

Good choice everyone. Fingers crossed next year’s Eurovision is filled with everyone trying to copy the amazingness of this song. Oh, and I genuinely was quite surprised by the success of “Skyfall”. I mean, I loves it, I just didn’t think it was that popular with anyone else, but it almost grabbed the title from the Blessed Loreen.

Best Album (Last year’s winner: Lady Gaga – Born This Way)

  1. Leona Lewis – Glassheart
  2. Calvin Harris – 18 Months
  3. Nicki Minaj – Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded
  4. Emeli Sande – Our Version of Events
  5. Taylor Swift – Red

By far and away the closest category, at one point late in the voting there was one vote separating ALL FIVE CATEGORIES, which is just plain silly. Still, Dame Leona of Lewis ended up taking the title, which at least means her career isn’t entirely on the skids. Now her record label need to FUCKING RELEASE GLASSHEART AS A SINGLE. Seriously, listen to the video above. It’s fucking incredible.

Best Video (Last year’s winner: Katy Perry – Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.))

  1. Pink – Try
  2. Katy Perry – Wide Awake
  3. Psy – Gangnam Style
  4. Rihanna – Where Have You Been
  5. Coldplay ft. Rihanna – Princess of China

There’s no way she’s getting her deposit back from her landlord.

Worst Single (Last year’s winner: Cher Lloyd – Swagger Jagger)

  1. Tulisa – Live it Up
  2. Chris Brown – Turn Up the Music
  3. Dappy – Rockstar
  4. The Wanted – Chasing the Sun
  5. Cover Drive – Twilight

Wow. Tulisa is now officially less popular than a convicted woman-beater. Although, that’s a little unfair, a lot of the credit has to go to the genuinely dreadful song. And video actually, it’s like if the Starships video was even worse and had roughly 90% more chlamydia.

Best Single Released by an X Factor Contestant (Last year’s winner: One Direction – What Makes You Beautiful)

  1. Little Mix – Wings
  2. Misha B – Do You Think Of Me?
  3. Rebecca Ferguson – Backtrack
  4. Leona Lewis – Trouble
  5. Alexandra Burke – Elephant

They walked it. Properly walked it. Double the number of votes of Misha B (who herself was fairly ahead of the rest of the pack). I think credit can go to the clappy bits. The clappy bits are amazing.

Best UK TV Show (Last year’s winner: Doctor Who)

  1. Sherlock
  2. The Great British Bake Off
  3. Downton Abbey
  4. Twenty Twelve
  5. The Thick of It

And I thought Little Mix walked their category. Sherlock received more votes than the other four nominees put together. Still, nice to see the Bake off getting some love, since that really is amazing too.

Best Doctor Who episode (Last year’s winner: N/A)

  1. The Angels Take Manhattan
  2. The Snowmen
  3. Asylum of the Daleks
  4. The Power of Three
  5. Dinosaurs on a Spaceship

See, lots of people complain about Steven Moffat’s writing (general complaints seem to be the same themes popping up time and again, like villains using repeated phrases, wibbly-wobbly-timey-wimey resolutions to plots, lots of witty sexy women who give the Doctor/Sherlock as good as they get, every Christmas special being solved with the power of a heteroseual family unit etc etc) but since the three he wrote are the top three here, clearly he’s doing something right.

Best US TV Show (Last year’s winner: Glee)

  1. Game of Thrones
  2. Happy Endings
  3. Community
  4. Parks and Recreation
  5. RuPaul’s Drag Race


Best Film (Last year’s winner: N/A)

  1. The Avengers
  2. The Dark Knight Rises
  3. Skyfall
  4. Silver Linings Playbook
  5. Looper

The top two were neck and neck all week, and it came right down to the wire. It was a single last minute vote that gave it to the Avengers, which actually I’m pretty pleased about. Don’t get me wrong, I love the Nolan Batman films, but… they’re a bit pretentious aren’t they? It’s like, you’re a man dressed as a giant bat fighting crime, you’re not Gandhi.

Most Anticipated Film of 2013 (Last year’s winner: N/A)

  1. Star Trek: Into Darkness
  2. Monsters University
  3. The Hunger Games: Catching Fire
  4. Man of Steel
  5. Iron Man 3

So here it is: I have hated each and every incarnation of Star Trek. The original series, the Next Generation, Enterprise… the one with the woman in it. All of them. I’ve tried, I really have, and I just can’t do it. So imagine my surprise when I watched the JJ Abrams reboot and BLOODY LOVED IT. Throw in some Cumberbatch and I am all over this. Can’t wait.

Sexiest Male (Last year’s winner: Harry Judd)

  1. Andrew Garfield
  2. Chris Evans
  3. Harry Judd
  4. Tom Hardy
  5. Tom Daley

I wasn’t the only one spending the entirety of “The Amazing Spider Man” staring at his arse, right? Good. The big surprise in this category, is Tom Daley only picking up one measly vote. Clearly everyone is as sick of his constant media whoring as I am. (although the complete MESS of a show “Splash!” is my new favourite thing. It is AWFUL and I adore it.)

Sexiest Female (Last year’s winner: Karen Gillan)

  1. Nicole Scherzinger
  2. Karen Gillan
  3. Mila Kunis
  4. Emma Watson
  5. Cheryl Cole




About rmdbutler

2007 Brit Award nominee for Best International Female
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One Response to Insert Joke About Mayans Here

  1. fused says:

    I like these results. I’m pleased ‘Euphoria’ came top of the songs (though I like ‘Skyfall’ a lot too) and that the Pink video winning. I also like that Misha B’s song did well here comfortably in second place, even if it was far behind the winner.

    I didn’t bother watching X Factor last year, but I did have some schadenfreude with Tulisa being told she has “fag ash breath” and her album flopping spectacularly despite the high profile of being a judge on X Factor. I think she only ever seemed tolerable when compared Dappy and that other one in N-Dubz, since she’s gone outside of that group it’s clearer how obnoxious she is. A good selection of terrible songs and acts in that category as well. Chris Brown, Dappy and The Wanted, musical hell right there. (Although I really, really liked ‘Twilight’ by Cover Drive……)

    I’ve heard those criticisms of Steven Moffat’s writing too, but none of those things bother me that much, it’s not as if it’s uncommon for writers to have recurring themes in their work. But the one I really don’t get is why some people are getting wound up about the “family unit” stuff, I honesty don’t see why presenting a traditional family unit in a positive way is such a terrible thing. But that aside, I think that the episodes he wrote have been the best of series 7 so far (but just from my point of view the order would be Asylum Of The Daleks, The Angels Take Manhattan, The Snowmen).

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