She’s not the one that we want

Ah, the righteous anger of the British public. You know what could have saved James or Ella from the bottom two? IF YOU’D ACTUALLY VOTED FOR THEM. I can guarantee that all of the people whining on Twitter or Facebook or Digital Spy or wherever haven’t voted for the X Factor in years, if at all, so you can’t get too upset when the tone deaf shut ins all vote Christopher through.

1. Rylan Clark

Gary: “I want to know which band member you were!”

Rylan: “I definitely weren’t you, I’m too skinny for that G!”

Rylan to win.

2. Jahmene Douglas

Compentant, only slightly screechy, but the inevitability of his victory is actually depressing me.

3. James Arthur

Again, competent enough but entirely dull. The only thing I like about his performances is that he actually seems like he’s really going for it and it just didn’t this week. Although, even if I had expected Ella to be a shock bottom two this week, I did NOT expect it to be with James. He’s been being jammed down our throats as the winner for weeks, so I would actually this is the bigger shock. Still Olly and JLS both finished in the bottom two at this stage, so I think we can comfortably predict him finishing second behind Jahmene.

4. Union J

SOAPBOX TIME. This week, the unfortunately spelt Jaymi from the band came out as a homo. This was then followed by an outpouring on Twitter and DS, etc. congratulating him for being an inspiration and honest and SO BRAVE blah blah blah. Except, no. He was completely out and proud before, as a quick Google will reveal, he used to perform at Pride festivals, he has had a boyfriend for three years. And yet the last few weeks he’s been going on about all the girls he fancies in interviews, and even after he came out the show has said exactly JACK SHIT about it all. HOW INSPIRING. If I ever become famous, I’ll be sure to hide my gayness for ages, until I can gain the most publicity for it. And even then, it will be less mentioned then someone else’s abusive father. 2012, ladies and gentlemen!

5. Christopher Maloney

I officially don’t understand. Rylan, I get. He’s camp and silly and very entertaining. But this?! Nope. I don’t understand why anyone would waste their money on him, I just don’t. He won’t win, even if he gets to the final two, whoever he ends up against would have every single other fanbase mobilised in their favour against him, but even so, this is the most perplexing success in the history of the X Factor.

And the dearly departed… Ella Henderson

I knew she’d be in the bottom two this week, and had it been against anyone but James, she’d have stayed. But I think the blame can be placed solely at Tulisa’s door, who couldn’t have been a more lethargic mentor. Maybe she won last year, so didn’t really care if she won again? Maybe since she was handed easily the strongest category, she assumed she didn’t have to do anything? Anyway, it was her’s to lose and then she did. Well done.

Celebrity performances

Maroon 5Misery Olly MursTroublemaker I’ve made my distaste for the hat botherer known on more than one occasion, but it doesn’t seem to put anyone off. He still sings as flat as a pancake, he still dresses like River Island’s bargain bin vomited on him, and he still bases his dance moves on someone with a nut allergy after they’ve eaten a Snickers.

Alicia KeysMan on Fire Sorry, but I just can’t build any sort of excitement towards her. She’s got a lovely voice, she seems very nice but just…. meh. The boring song doesn’t help. Sleeping With a Broken Heart was amazing though.

Oh and by the way, this Saturday I’m walking over fire for charity (I know, right?!) and if you’re feeling generous, then you can donate on my JustGiving page by clicking here. All the proceeds go to the MS Society, and it’s what POOR POOR ELLA would want you to do, I’m sure.

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About rmdbutler

2007 Brit Award nominee for Best International Female
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