I’ve always had very mixed feelings about Cheryl “Don’t Call Me Cole” Cole. Obviously as part of the greatest musical group the world has ever seen, she was amazing, and I liked her in her first series of the X Factor, then started to hate her a bit when she started getting really full of herself as the whole “People’s Princess” thing got ridiculous. And whilst everyone else likes that she got kicked off the US X Factor, I started feeling sorry for her and now we’re at a stage where everyone hates her and wants her to fail FRO TEH LULZ and I really like her again. So much fickleness.
Anyway, my love of her got cemented last weekend, when I saw her perform “live” (LOLZ, bitch totes mimed it all) at G-A-Y, and she was entirely amazing. I do not give a fuck if people mime, or aren’t the strongest vocalists in the world, I want to be entertained, and Chezza completely gets that, whilst the makers of The Voice completely don’t. I must say, her turning up on The Voice to completely undermine the entire premise by being more entertaining than any of the contestants BY DOING A FUCKING SWAN DIVE was pretty epic.
Anyway, the new album. La Cole has a tendency of releasing amazing lead singles (“Fight For This Love”, “Promise This”) and then following them up with albums that are staggering in their averageness (although “Parachute” will forever be amazing). This one, on the other hand is actually really very good.
The lead single, Calvin-Harris-by-the-numbers “Call My Name“, is possibly the biggest grower of recent times, starting off a bit meh, and by the 20th listen becoming entirely awesome. I’ll be honest I was expecting more of the same from the album, more We Found Love-esque club bangers, but actually it’s mainly filled with mid tempo tracks, with the dance-y stuff of Name ignored in favour of dubstep and trance influences.
Stuff like “Love Killer” or the Lana Del Ray penned “Ghetto Baby” manage to straddle the lines between ballad and rave quite nicely, with the title track itself being a ballad with a dubstep beat (dubstep balladry being my new favourite genre btw), whilst others go full into one territory or the other. “Mechanics of the Heart” and “All is Fair” are out and out ballads that manage to stay on the right side of cheesy, whilst the Wretch 32 assisted “Screw You” is as ballsy and full on as the title would suggest.
There’s the annual Cole/will.i.am duet, “Craziest Things”, and manages to be both amazing and entirely generic, I still don’t know how I feel about it. But then it’s been almost three years and I still don’t know if I love or hate “3 Words”. Oh, and there’s my favourite of all, “Under the Sun” which is so fun and breezy, it’s kind of like if “LDN” by Lily Allen was made in 2012.
And, whilst I would still much, MUCH prefer a new Girls Aloud album (I FUCKING MISS THEM SO MUCH), I can very happily accept this as this year’s alternative (last year’s was Nicola Roberts’ balls out fantastic “Cinderella’s Eyes”, that only sold around 12 copies, all to me), there isn’t a bad track on here. Getting as far away from Simon Cowell is the best thing The Cole ever did.