My 100th blog post! Yay! Admittedly, I would have gotten here a fuck ton sooner if I used my blog regularly rather than having bursts every few months, but ho hum. Anyway, I thought rather than some random review, I thought I’d do something special for the occasion, and what’s more special than Disney?! (Even if he was a big ol’ Nazi)
So, here are my top 10 Disney songs, since let’s face it, songs are the best part of any Disney film, aside from comedy talking animal sidekicks. I’ve also given myself the following rules:
- I’m only using films from the Disney animated “canon”, so no Pixar and no live-action, soz.
- It heavily (actually exclusively, thinking about it) features films from Disney’s second golden age, i.e. late 80’s/early 90’s since that’s when I grew up. “Heigh-Ho” and the like and very iconic songs and everything, but yawn.
- A maximum of two songs per film, otherwise it’d be mainly Beauty and the Beast and The Lion King.
10. “The Gospel Truth” (Hercules)
Every history story can be spiced up with sassy black women, we all know that, and thus this may be the greatest opening of any Disney films (Yeah, Elton John, I said it, come get me bitch).
9. “Heaven’s Light / Hellfire” (Hunchback of Notre Dame)
VILLAIN SONG, BITCHES. Seguing seamlessly from a sweet song about how much Quasimodo loves Esmerelda, straight into Frollo getting all old school about how much a boner the gypsy gives him. Amazing, and the message still totally works today that just being holy doesn’t make you better than anyone else.
8. “I Just Can’t Wait To Be King” (The Lion King)
Rowan Atkinson’s awesome, isn’t he? Even when he’s being some know-it-all bird getting sat on by a rhino. One of the most outrageously fun songs in any Disney film, and it COMPLETELY works on stage. The kid (or grown woman, I’m not sure) playing Simba’s singing voice is very obnoxious though.
7. “Friend Like Me” (Aladdin)
Aladdin almost had another song on the list, “A Whole New World”, but Peter Andre and Jordan destroyed it for me. Good work, you utter cunts. Anyway, this is basically a chance for Robin Williams to be awesome, before he tried being all serious. Never a good move.
6. “Under The Sea” (The Little Mermaid)
Just ignore the “slave” racist undertones, please. I’m sure it was just an unfortunate mistake. Fingers crossed. I mean, I doubt they intended the “Life it is better, down where it’s wetter”, and LOL at that.
5. “Kiss The Girl” (The Little Mermaid)
There has never been a more charismatic crab ever. No matter how much Lindsay Lohan’s vaginal infestation may try, it’ll never even come close to Sebastian. He’s a LOT more romantic too.
4. “Be Our Guest” (Beauty and the Beast)
I LOVE this. It’s incredible how epic a song sung by cutlery can be. Although I do doubt that the Beast didn’t hear it. Also, if every single one of those knives, forks, bowls etc were formally people, how many people did the Beast have working for him?!
3. “Be Prepared” (The Lion King)
The ultimate Villain Song, mainly because Jeremy Irons is being as camp as Christmas, chewing up the scenery, and BEING UTTERLY FABULOUS.
2. “I Won’t Say (I’m In Love)” (Hercules)
Possibly the most overlooked of all Disney songs, possibly because it’s in Hercules, which with all the good will in the world, didn’t exactly set the box office alight. But it really is amazing and oddly romantic, in a not-at-all-romantic sort of way.
1. “Beauty and the Beast” (Beauty and the Beast)
My favourite Disney song is from my favourite Disney film. Appropriate. So sweet and romantic it almost hurts, and featuring the moment that CGI cartoons went mainstream. Pixar have a lot to thank this film for. Also, Celine Dion and your stupid accent and massive teeth, fuck off. This is Angela Lansbury’s song all the way. Off to the cupboard with you now, Chip. It’s past your bed time.