Massive thank yous to everyone who voted, let’s check out the winners of the first ever Television and That awards (something I’m totes going to be doing again next year. I like awards).
Again, apols for the lateness of the awards in the first place. Next year, they’ll be happening in the last week of December just like every other award that isn’t completely retarded.
Oh, wait. The Golden Globes….. Nope, I stand by my original point. The Golden Globes are just somewhere for Meryl Streep to get drunk.
- Adele – Someone Like You
- The Saturdays – All Fired Up
- Rihanna ft. Calvin Harris – We Found Love
- Nicola Roberts – Beat of My Drum
- Nicole Scherzinger – Don’t Hold Your Breath
After the Saturdays took an early lead, Adele swept to a landslide victory, with the biggest selling song of the year. It also the song that absolutely guaranteed to make me cry if it catches me in the wrong mood. God damn it.
- Lady Gaga – Born This Way
- Adele – 21
- Rihanna – Talk That Talk
- Britney Spears – Femme Fatale
- Nicola Roberts – Cinderella’s Eyes
I didn’t nominate Gaga for Best Single, since I didn’t think any of her singles this year have been absolutely jaw-droppingly amazing like her last lot (Bad Romance, Telephone, Poker Face etc). Where her strengths lay last year, was in the consistency of her album. Were any of the songs instant mega-hits? No. Was each and every song amazing, and worthy of a single release? Absolutely. Well, not “Electric Chapel”, that was shit. But the rest of it.
- Katy Perry – Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.)
- Lady Gaga – Marry the Night
- The Saturdays – All Fired Up
- Beyonce – Run the World (Girls)
- Britney Spears – I Wanna Go
It features Hanson, Rebecca Black, the insanely dreamy Darren Criss, Katy dressed HIDEOUSLY…. of course it was going to win. It should be pointed out that it was only a late surge that gave the win to Katy. All week she’s been level with Gaga’s 87 hour spectacular, and the Saturdays’ gimp-strewn pool party so well done to them too.
- Cher Lloyd – Swagger Jagger
- Justin Bieber – Mistletoe
- Matt Cardle – Run for Your Life
- LMFAO – Sexy and I Know It
- Bruno Mars – The Lazy Song
*NOTE: Above is a video of Cher’s very good new song. I’m not having that other shit heap on my blog*
Swagger Jagger ended up with more votes than the other four nominees combined. But I ask you, is that fair? Mistletoe is a cod-reggae Christmas song sung by the world’s most annoying haircut, Run for Your Life is a song about murdering women sung by a man who thinks he’s better than all other artists because he can play a guitar, Sexy and I Know It is a song that is frankly just plain stupid with a syphilitic video, whilst the Lazy Song is literally a song where the writer just can’t be fucked. But Swagger Jagger is really bad, isn’t it? Thus, you can listen to her new song above, which is actually really good.
Best 2011 X Factor Contestant
- Misha B
- Little Mix
- Marcus Collins
- Janet Devlin
- Amelia Lily
JUSTICE. If the actual X Factor had gone in this order, everything would have been brilliant. If you want evidence for how amazing Misha is, watch the above video which features her sing/rapping her way through “Rolling in the Deep” with a military beat, in an Elizabethan costume made of newspaper, whilst sitting on a Union Flag throne. AMAZING.
Best X Factor Contestant song
- One Direction – What Makes You Beautiful
- Olly Murs – Heart Skips a Beat
- Leona Lewis – Collide
- Rebecca Ferguson – Nothing’s Real But Love
- Cher Lloyd – With Ur Love
I choose to believe that Olly only nearly took the top place because the song is good, and not because of him, since my distaste for him and his stupid smug hat-wearing meat head are well documented. Quick note to Leona: Please make your new album better than Collide. Collide is really good and everything, but not good enough. Ta.
Best 2011 Eurovision song
- Eric Saade – Popular (Sweden)
- Jedward – Lipstick (Ireland)
- Blue – I Can (U.K.)
- Ell & Nicki – Running Scared (Azerbaijan)
- Lena – Taken By A Stranger (Germany)
I preferred Lipstick personally, but isn’t Eric Saade jolly good looking? Plus, he was the one I was assigned during the drinking game I played during the contest (basically drink every time your song gets points, down it when they get 12) so I have a special place in my heart/liver/pants for him and the song.
Best UK TV Show
- Doctor Who
- Downton Abbey
- Twenty Twelve
Doctor Who received more votes than anything else in any category. Well done, everyone, you all have very good taste. People seemed to enjoy my reviews of the first half of the series, so I shall be doing one for each of the second half this week. Try to contain your excitement please.
Best US TV Show
- Happy Endings
- Game of Thrones
- Parks & Recreation
Let’s face it, Glee only won because it’s so well known over here. Even so, Happy Endings and Community (SO pleased that my forceful pushing of Community is working, btw) almost nicked it, so Glee really does need to pull it’s socks up. It has gotten better during Season 3, to be fair.
- Harry Judd
- Chord Overstreet
- Darren Criss
- Gethin Jones
- Mark Wright
Winner of Strictly Come Dancing, I have a feeling everybody’s lust for Harry might drop as the year goes on, and we all inevitably forget about him and his lovely arms. Still though for now, he’s the one that every body’s thinking about, and deservedly so. He’s very attractive.
- Karen Gillan
- Nicole Scherzinger
- Dianna Agron
- Cheryl Cole
Her legs go on for YEARS, don’t they? I’m sad her and Arthur Darvill will be leaving the Who this year, but let’s face it, it’s time for Amy and Rory to be moving on. But I miss them. Then again, I still miss Donna and that was four years ago, so I’m just one of those people.
The Caroline Flack award for Most Shaggable One Direction member
I’m genuinely surprised that Louis did so well, whilst my beloved Liam is only ahead of Niall, who is very much the Tina from S Club of the group. Makes sense for Zayn to win though. Can’t sing for shit, but you could cut ham on those cheekbones.