Little Mix have won! Hooray! They’re now lumped with “Cannonball” as a debut single. Booray. Still, I’m expecting awesome things from their next single. Something on-par with “All Fired Up” please, thanks.
Anyway, now that eight years (EIGHT YEARS, I’M SO OLD) of the X Factor have been and gone, there have actually been some pretty good acts to come out of the whole thing. Thusly, I shall now countdown the best songs off of X Factor contestants. (NOTE: only one song is allowed by artiste, otherwise it’d be filled with Leona and Alexander Girl)
10. Rebecca Ferguson – Nothing’s Real But Love
I like Rebecca. I don’t have particularly strong feelings about her either way, but I want her to do well for some reason. Her album (Heaven) is really very good, and this is a really nice song. Not amazing, but nice. Like her. Certainly more interesting than Cannonball, anyway.
9. Shayne Ward – No Promises
Before he got all mega-fit to get money off the gays, and before Leona proved that actually the X Factor winner could be amazing, Shayne released this one. A very under-appreciated song, I think.
8. Cher Lloyd – With Ur Love
Yes. Yes, she’s a bellend. Yes, she looks like a rat and a goose had a baby and brought it up in a caravan site. Yes, Swagger Jagger is the audio equivalent of rape. But this song is not too shabby and a couple of tracks from her album are even better. Whisper it, but it might not be entirely unacceptable to like her now. Weird.
7. Olly Murs – Heart Skips a Beat
Olly Murs is a hateful prick. Genuinely I hate him. I think he is arrogant, obnoxious, utterly in love with himself, his stylist is the worst human being since Hitler, and worse, he is wrapping this twatty package up with a “cheeky chappy” coating designed to fool imbeciles into thinking he’s “just a regular bloke”. And yet in between cod-raggae bragging fests, he released this, an actually good song.
Oh, and his head looks like a joint of ham with a face painted on crudely by a retarded four year old.
6. One Direction – What Makes You Beautiful
I’ll be honest, I wasn’t expecting much from this, but I think pretty much everyone who heard reacted with a “Oh! This is pretty good!”. The lyrics are the most manipulative thing I’ve ever heard but it’s a good fun song. And there aren’t enough of those in these dark Ed Sheeran-infested days.
5. Joe McElderry – Ambitions
Poor Joe. Such a nice boy, teamed with a completely gay-mazing album, and yet people only give a shit when he releases albums of crappy opera-infused covers. I HATE YOU, BRITISH PUBLIC.
4. JLS – Beat Again
JLS have been riding on the back of this song for the last three years. Nothing else they have released has even come close to this, and they are still only successful because Aston and Marvin’s stomachs confuse hormonal teenage girls, and dumb-arse gays. Still this was REALLY good. And, in all fairness, they do have nice abs.
3. Diana Vickers – Once
The weird voice, the bare feet, the claw. I hated her just as much as everyone else when she was on the show, but THIS is how you win people over. With a fuck off amazing song, with an intro that sounds like a car door has been opened with the engine running. Well done, Vicko.
2. Alexandra Burke – Bad Boys
There are no words. Everyone expected her to come back with a dreary sub-Leona ballad. And then THIS. My personal favourite moment is when she bursts through the wall and strides past Flo Rida without even looking at him. That’s all he deserves and she damn well knows it. Fierce doesn’t even begin to describe it.
1. Leona Lewis – Bleeding Love
Not just the best X Factor contestant release by a country mile, but also one of the best pop songs ever released. Utterly amazing.