Ah, soaps. Always so reliable. If there’s nothing good on, or you’ve got half an hour to fill before you go down the pub, you can always pop over to one of the soaps and play my new favourite drinking game “Who the fuck are they?!”. Literally, everytime you think/say this at the screen have a drink. In my experience, 10 minutes of Neighbours can be lethal.
So for the first time in donkey’s years, I’ve actually been watching all four of the soaps, so I thought a little 2010 persepective would be nice.
Admittedly, whilst I’ve been watching Corrie, it was literally only for a week. And we all know which week. If you’re trying to get viewer attentions then blowing up a club is a bit old hat. R&R has caught fire more times than a Buddhist monk. So, as well as the obligatory explosion, the team at the Street decided to also lob a tram at their characters. Original, I’ll give them that.
And it was good. Not great, but good. I mean, if you promise us four deaths, giving us one as a “Oh, there was someone else who died. You never met him” throwaway line, frankly you can piss off. Although, credit where it’s due, apparently all of the characters are still reeling from the crash, and I very much enjoyed the live episode, to the point where I forgot it was live. Unlike some soap live episodes I could mention. And will actually.
Right now, in fact. So, Jack fucked up his lines, we all saw Max with his fingers down his throat, DeadBradley moved his hand and the camera didn’t cut away from poor old Samantha Womack’s shocked reaction face for about 30 seconds. But if nothing went wrong, then frankly I would have been disappointed. Stacey as the murderer made sense and I genuinely didn’t know who it was going to be. And it’s been so long since that’s happened on Easties.
Another big storyline this year was the whole Lucas murdering thing. Just saying, but if I was being kept prisoner, I’d check to see if the door was locked. At least once. I mean I would expect it to be, but you’d give it a go. And if I murder anyone next to a deserted canal, I’m not about to take the body home with me and bury it in the middle of my road. Again, just saying. Still it gave Diane Parish a chance to do acting, got rid of Libby and Chelsea, two incredibly dreary characters and gave us our new Empress of Soap, Kim Fox. For she is awesome.
Stacey went too, eventually. I know full well that the scriptwriters wanted us to be on her side. But I wasn’t. Murdering your rapist, OK. Personally, I’d go to the police, but I see her point. Ruining yet another marraige even though she didn’t love Ryan, she just wanted a bit o’ the loving, was frankly too much. She was just ruining peoples lives for kicks and that sort of shit don’t sit right with me, Branning. And she completely forgot that Bradley thought of Lily as his daughter when he died. Way to piss on his grave.
Oh, and a quick mention to last night’s heart-breaking episode. Firstly, Samantha Womack should be Queen. Second, please EastEnders scriptwriters, let her be happy. With a kid. Please?
Fine, I’ll admit it. The only reason I’ve been watching Emmerdale this year is the obligitory Big Gay Storyline that all the soaps do at some point or another (See also: The Corrie lesbians, Chryed off of Easties) and in fairness, they managed to find a way to make the beyond tedious “I’m not gay, maybe I am a bit, OK yes I am completely a gay” coming out story more interesting by making the gay in question a mahoosive homophobe. Also, didn’t hurt that Danny Miller, who plays Aaron, is both a very good actor and, more importantly, fit as.
Still though, and frankly this goes to all the soaps, can we not have a gay storyline that doesn’t involve someone coming out of the closet? It’s not all we do, you know.
Remember when Hollyoaks was really good? Around the time of John Paul and Craig, or the Dog blowing up? Well, by 2010 those days were long gone, and Hollyoaks was really only any use to play the aforementioned drinking game, and to see if Calvin Valentine was getting his tits out (clue: he was always getting his tits out). But now, since it’s being run by the same dude that did Footballers’ Wives, it’s getting to be fairly entertaining again. Warren needs to completely shit off, but the transgendered storyline is genuinely brave television (if quite badly-written), India’s murder was incredibly well done, and the Ste and Brendan storyline is actually quite interesting. But seriously, Warren shit off. Hollyoaks might actually be worth keeping an eye on over 2011.
P.S. Warren, shit off. Ta.