So after a couple of months away, I’m back to blogging. Thought it best since it was the end of the year, to vent some stuff about this year’s telly so I can start afresh in 2011. And what better place to slag things off than The X Factor?
So, in that vein here are my thoughts on all 16 (that number needs to mega drop next year) finalists
Nicolo Festa: Let’s face it, even though she won, Dannii was given a shit category this year. Whilst she even got Paije of all people half way through, even her talents couldn’t help this mardy little knobend. Average voice, a shit-ton of arrogance, and the blandest looks in Christendom. Plus: foreign. And we ain’t havin’ dem foreigns comin’ over ‘ere taking our talent shows!
FYD: Yawn. Try Britain’s Got Talent instead.
Storm Lee: I think he genuinely saw himself as a serious, credible artist. Fortunately, Louis and the rest of the British public disagreed and he therefore was turned into a comedy rock act ala Ozzy Osbourne post 1985.
Diva Fever: One was good and quite attractive (in a very gay way) and the other was neither of those things. Still, the were the only genuinely fun act, and if Simon had given a shit about anyone but One Direction, they could have been this year’s Same Difference. You know, shit but oddly watchable.
John Adeleye: Didn’t care about him then, care less now.
Belle Amie: After their performance of “Faith” at Judges Houses I had high hopes for them. Then they were shit. Oh well. The X Factor Curse Of The Girl Bands strikes again. And Simon’s lack of love for anyone who isn’t a barely legal boy.
Treyc Cohen: Ah, well timed Treyc, I was just talking about a promising contestant sent up shit creek by a crappy mentor. Obviously Cheryl had decided who her faves were this year and poor old Treyc wasn’t it. However good her voice was, Cheryl picked awful songs and the editors decided to show next to nothing of her. Boo-urns. Everyone knows the only people who do well out of this are black women. Leona, Alexandra, JLS.
Aiden Grimshaw: He shall haunt my nightmares for many years to come. It genuinely seemed like he wanted to murder the audience. Although, with all their inane cheering and whooping over the judges comments, I can empathise.
Paije Richardson: Poor Paije. It always felt like he was almost there. Almost likeable, almost interesting, almost a good singer. I blame poor song choices (except for his I’m a Believer/Hey Ya mash-up) and a horrendous wardrobe.
Katie Waissel: Almost too easy isn’t it? More lives than Warren off of Hollyoaks, a incredibly weak voice, so desperate she made Sinitta look demure, and a face like a foot. I don’t care how much Louis/Simon/Cheryl went on about how nice she is as a person, she’s is simply dreadful.
Wagner: This year’s FRO TEH LULZ contestant. Apparently Facebook’s attempt to hijack the contest, he was never more than a place above the bottom two. Poor show, FB. I know he was meant to be wacky and silly, and all of the many, many, many stories about how he’s a drooling pervert may well have been Simon’s way to drum up publicity, but frankly I preferred Jedward. Which is saying something.
Mary Byrne: Started off amazing, got shoutier and shoutier as the weeks went on, but could still sing rings around most of the others. The way she was thrown under a bus to make sure Cher got into the final was disgusting. Had it gone to deadlock Mary would have won. Bullshit.
Cher Lloyd: Urgh. Just… urgh. I never want to see her rat face again.
One Direction: Collectively, they barely had enough personality to constitute one person, let alone five, they basically only made it to the final because of menopausal paedophiles.
Rebecca Ferguson: I liked her. Really, I did. But was everyone just ignoring the fact that her voice is a little…. honky? Bit like an ill goose?
Matt Cardle: When you can take the title of “Least charismatic winner” of a competition that has been won by Steve Brookstein, Shayne Ward and Leon Jackson, it’s not a terribly good thing. And according to post-contest interviews, he apparently thinks doing a Biffy Clyro cover means he’s a more credible artist than Joe McElderry. He’s won the X Factor with Dannii Minogue as a mentor, and he thinks he’s Brendon Flowers. What. A. Cock.
So, in conclusion, not a vintage year for the X Factor. Still, at least Dannii Minogue’s still awesome, eh?