That’s supposed to be like R.I.P. but with BB (you know, Big Brother) in it. It looked better in my head, OK?
Anyway, if you didn’t know, the last Big Brother (well, Ultimate Big Brother) is on tonight, and Brian will probs win. I, like most of you, stopped watching years ago but decided to watch the Ultimate series for nostalgia’s sake. In the end, it’s been a bit boring, and made me dislike Nadia. Bugger. Anyway, to finish off the series, here’s my list of the best, worst, and prettiest housemates ever:
- Alison Hammond (BB3): Inexplicably evicted in about the second week, despite doing nothing wrong except show everyone how crap the other housemates were. Thank God for This Morning. Which is something I never thought I’d say.
- Nadia Almada (BB5): As I pointed out, fame seems to have gone to her head and now she’s a cow, but she is possibly the only reality contestant who can say they went on a Journey and not sound like a twat. Oh, and I really don’t want her to kill herself.
- Nikki Grahame (BB7): Irritating, obnoxious, selfish, loud, but still hilarious, very entertaining, and I don’t have to live with her so who cares?
- Josie Gibson (BB11): Didn’t see too much of this year, but from the little I have, I want Josie to be my new best friend please.
- Chantelle Houghton (CBB4): Preston, take her back. Take her back, take her back, take her back, take her back, take her back, take her back, take her back. Do it. NOW.
- Anyone from BB4: Not bad exactly, but oh so very tedious. Which I personally find more offensive.
- Science (BB6): Real name Kieron, which pretty much tells you how much of a wanker he was. Probably a “self-proclaimed legend”. The sort of person who hangs around outside KFC on a Wednesday night thinking that makes him amazing.
- Makosi Musambasi (BB6): You weren’t pregnant, you didn’t think you were, stop banging on about it, you manipulative bitch.
- Sezer Yurtseven (BB7): Almost went on the “Pretty” list, until I remembered he was a grade-A bellend. Only good thing about him was when Davina announced his eviction. Never has a smug look been wiped from a face so quickly. Magnificent.
- Michael Barrymore (CBB4): Managed to come second despite being a dangerously unstable man. Just because he probably didn’t kill someone, doesn’t mean he deserves to famous, people.
- Craig Phillips (BB1): OK, I know now he isn’t, but back then I was 11 and Internet porn wasn’t within my grasp yet, and he was on telly getting his kit off at every oppurtunity. I got confused.
- Josh Rafter (BB2): The one that annoyed Brian by turning up and being gay. Was also boring. But, still… you would.
- Dale Howard (BB9): Google him. See?
- Stuart Pilkington (BB9): Do the same. At this point in BB’s history, they were ignoring personalities and plonking in some fitties and hoping they’d shag. Which leads me to…
- John James Parton (BB11): An angry, spoily, empty-headed Australian, basically taking every personality trait of Nikki’s and removing any hint of charm. But, still… you would.